Here, Now and Always
by pi314159geek
Summary: Rumple is plagued by nightmares following his enslavement to Zelena (Season 3B). Cross-posted from AO3.


Everything was absolutely still around him. It was dark and silent, stretching on endlessly. If he didn't do something, say something to disrupt the endless darkness, he felt that he would simply be swallowed up by it. Which was a scary thought, considering that he himself had once commanded the darkness.

_Rumplestiltskin_, he thought to himself. _My name is Rumplestiltskin._

The Spinner knew where he was: his own vault, that had belonged to all the Dark Ones before him. Oddly enough, he did not sense the presence of any other Dark Ones in the vault — not even Zoso, his predecessor who'd trained him in dark magic from beyond the grave.

The very act of thinking was unreasonably difficult, so he opened his mouth to speak aloud — only to find that he had no mouth to open. He was incorporeal. If his consciousness was now in the Dark One's vault, then his body must have been destroyed when he stabbed himself with his own dagger.

With effort, Rumplestiltskin recalled his visit to Camelot mere decades ago. The sorcerer Merlin had explained to him how the Dark One's dagger worked. The darkness was bound to a human form, and that human in turn was bound to the dagger. With Rumplestiltskin's sacrifice, it was entirely possible that the curse of the Dark One had ended, forever.

In truth, Rumplestiltskin would rather have ceased to exist than remain entrapped in the Dark One's vault, with this dark power stagnant all around him. It wasn't unpleasant — he was old acquaintances with the darkness, after all — but it was monotonous.

Considering the things he'd done, though, maybe he really was better off here: forever surrounded by the thing that had been both his most loyal ally and his most bitter enemy.

And then, something changed. The darkness around him came alive. Moved, coalesced, and solidified. And it seemed that it was all coming towards him, closing in on him, until…

Rumplestiltskin gasped. He saw snow at his feet and registered that he was standing atop the Dark One's vault. He was wrapped in the fur cloak that he'd bargained for from Prince Charming, and his flesh had returned to its thick, mottled shade, confirming that he was indeed in the Enchanted Forest.

He was immediately filled with dread. Someone had used the vault to summon him back, and he was _still_ the Dark One. But then, had he ever really stopped being the Dark One, even with his consciousness and body separated in the vault?

He looked up, slowly registering blue eyes, brown hair — "Belle!" he choked out. He made to step off the Dark One's vault, but something forced him to freeze —

"Ah, excellent," his green-skinned former student laughed, pointing the Dark One's dagger at him. "This still works as well as it used to."

"Zelena," Rumple choked out. "You-"

"Yes, yes, welcome back to reality and all," Zelena waved a hand dismissively. "I really haven't got time for pleasantries. You see, I have grand plans. Plans that will…push the boundaries of magic as they've never been pushed before. And needless to say, your dark magic will be put to good use along the way. But, before we get started on all that…" Zelena gave a self-satisfied nod in Belle's direction before raising the black-and-silver dagger again. "Dark One, I command you to rip out and crush your girlfriend's heart."

The entire scene seemed to flash and then dissolve. Rumplestiltskin found himself kneeling in the snow, clutching Belle's broken body. He was trying to use light magic, or any magic, to bring her back.

"Really, now, you know no magic can resurrect the dead. Not even true love's kiss. Though, does that still work if you tore out your true love's heart before they died?" the Wicked Witch taunted him, twirling the Dark One's dagger in one hand.

Her calmness was a mockery of Rumplestiltskin's desperation as he tried to heal his true love. Rumple summoned a ball of glowing white magic into his hand, but it fizzled out as soon as he pressed it to Belle's forehead. Belle lay unmoving in the snow.

"You know, speaking of lessons," Zelena continued, holding the Dark One's dagger at various angles to make it reflect Lumiere's firelight, "I think now's an excellent time for _me_ to teach _you_ something for once, Rumple. Do you know why she died?"

Zelena leaned down, whispering deliberately into Rumple's ear as he gazed down at Belle's body, "Because _you_ weren't powerful enough."

Gold jerked awake, gasping for breath. His eyes flashed around the room. His breathing slowed as he realized that he was simply in the back room of his shop. He checked his skin to find it a normal color and texture, not the mottled flesh he had in the Enchanted Forest.

"Belle," he muttered. _She's well and alive_, he told himself.

With difficulty, Gold swung both legs off the bed, grabbing his walking stick to support himself as he stood. He limped over to his cabinet, which opened at his touch, and pulled out the box containing the true dagger of the Dark One.

Belle had a fake dagger, and it nagged at him that their engagement was based on a lie, but Gold had gotten quite good at ignoring his conscience over the past few centuries.

He took the dagger out of its box and carefully weighed it in his hand, studying it from all angles. "Rumplestiltskin" was written on it in spiky black lettering. He wondered with some amusement if the dagger had ever read "Mr. Gold" during the time of Regina's curse. He'd never thought to check, even after regaining his identity as Rumplestiltskin. With Regina constantly on the prowl, it had been far safer to leave the evidence of his Enchanted Forest memories under lock and key.

As Gold held the dagger levelly in front of him, his next thoughts turned to Belle.

Belle stirred half-awake and gradually became aware of someone else sitting on the bed. She jolted fully awake.

"Shh," Gold murmured, lightly touching the hair on the crown of her head.

"You could _knock_," Belle grumbled, adjusting her pillow. "It's well past midnight. What are you doing here?"

The look on Gold's face immediately told her that she'd spoken too harshly. "Nightmares," he admitted.

Belle's irritability melted away. "Zelena?"

Gold closed his eyes and nodded. "Every time. I see her with the dagger, forcing me to kill Bae, or — or you," he finished. He was sure she could read the pain in his eyes.

Belle took his hand. "I could tell you that none of that is real, but I know that wouldn't help. The things she must have put you through, being bound to that dagger…" She shook her head. "Rumple, would it help if - if I gave you the dagger back, you could —" She made to get out of bed.

"No, no, it's — it's not just that," Gold assured her. He guiltily felt the weight of the real dagger in his left boot. _Your engagement is based on a lie_, it seemed to whisper. "It's just," he shook his head to ward off those thoughts. "I thought I would die in Neverland, and instead I died here, and I thought I'd end the Dark Curse once and for all, but..."

"I'm sorry," Belle whispered. "This is my fault."

"What?" Gold looked at her incredulously.

"I was the one who brought you back," Belle murmured regretfully. "Me and Baelfire, we didn't want to believe you were gone, we fell for Zelena's trick, and - I'm sorry, I'm only making things worse, aren't I?" she broke off, noticing Gold's pained expression on hearing his son's name.

"Oh, Belle," Gold said, gently brushing a few strands of hair off her forehead. "If you hadn't brought me back, we'd never have been married."

Belle managed a shaky chuckle and lightly squeezed his hand. "You came here because you had nightmares, and you're the one reassuring me instead. But I - I just don't know how I can help..." She shook her head ruefully and then stifled a yawn.

Gold stood up, leaning on the edge of the bed for support, and leaned over to adjust Belle's pillow, gesturing that she should lie down. He smoothed out the comforter over her and gently drew it up to her shoulders, then picked up his walking stick and watched her settle into bed.

"Being here for me," he said, so quietly that Belle almost missed the words.

"Mmm?" Belle murmured.

"That's how you can help me. How you've already helped me, more than you know. Being here for me," he finished with a nod of satisfaction.

Belle smiled up at him. "Of course, Rumple," she said, her voice quiet, yet as alert and clear as ever. "Always."

Gold held her hand and simply watched her drift off to sleep again. When he heard her breathing even out, he carefully let her hand drop atop the comforter, then reached up to press his hand to her collarbone, where he could feel her heart beating steadily. He put his other hand to his own chest to feel his heartbeat, and it seemed to him that their hearts beat in unison.

Filled with a new determination, Rumplestiltskin strode to the edge of the room where Belle's handbag sat on the floor. He pulled out the fake dagger and swapped it for the true Dark One dagger.

"And I'll be here for you, Belle," he said as he placed the replica blade in its ankle sheath. "Always."


End file.
